16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
