Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
