Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
