We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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