i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
