I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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