It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
