If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let's get the cat blown out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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