I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So much rum. So many feels.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize