just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
did i walk over a car last night?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
