Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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