I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize