is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
