if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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