Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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