Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
