when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
