if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
