She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
