i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize