I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
