i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
