Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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