And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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