So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
