No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
