New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
