You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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