i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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