Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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