So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize