At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
