ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
operation have a gay friend backfired
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
