she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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