96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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