my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
