grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
