No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
