I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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