its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
