it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
