my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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