i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
