I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
