end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
