you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
