All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
