I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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