why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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