Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
