even my farts smell like vagina
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize