I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
