My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
