Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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