I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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