His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You ate ashes out of my bong
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
