if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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