Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
