There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
