This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
