Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
