its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
