Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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