Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
