i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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