I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
