Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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