God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
