My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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