Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
