C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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