My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
