I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
