i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
