Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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