we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
