Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
