I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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